A very peaceful and tranquil start to the day

Tuesday 29th March

I was back at work today and  knowing how things go in school holidays I woulnd't get out for a run tonight, so rose early I went out first thing. After a lovely run along the beach I made breakfast and lunch then headed to work. It was a fairly quiet day and I returned home. Oliver wanted to play for a while and Joanne went to bed then I settled down to write this blog.

Running: Recovery Run

3.09 miles / 30min / 9.42 min mile avg.

Recovery session: 30 min in Heart Rate Zone 2

I set off into the cool morning air just before 7am. I made my way up to the beach path, and ran the length of it before turning back for home. It felt quite strange running considerably slower than I normally do but Im going to follow the plan to the end and see what happens. The heart rate zone was low and I had to keep my BPM below 120. I started to get used to the pace and started to really concentrate on my form and my breathing, taking big, slow lungfuls of the fresh sea air and ran totally introspectively.

It was a really lovely sensation and became almost meditative as I ran along. I never take music with me in the morning and I just enjoyed listening to the roar of the tide, to the morning chorus of the birds and the breeze blowing through the grass. It always fills me full of energy, cleaning away all my stress and letting me just be me. I recently came across a word in a book I've never read before - Biophilia and I had to look it up. Its dictionary definition is:

biophilia
noun
1. an innate love for the natural world, supposed to be felt universally by humankind
2. a love of life and the living world, the affinity of human beings for other life forms

I think this sums up quite nicely how I feel when I run in nature. Ive strongly come to believe that our bodies were not designed for this modern life, with hard backed chairs, sedentary jobs, processed food etc (the list is endless). I think we (I) operate much better as a person when we are surrounded by nature, away from towns and cities. This is where our kind originated and learned to hunt and live, we were one with our surroundings and even now I think our bodies and minds have a symbiotic relationship with it. Sorry this is quite deep for a Tuesday but I just love being surrounded by nature, its so uplifting.

Needless to say I had an extremely relaxing run along the shore.I came away feeling very relaxed and my mind was clear for the rest of the day. Its was great to slow things down for a while and as the great Ferris Bueller once said "life moves pretty fast". No! Wait! Stop! - I will let the man himself say it...

Thats enough philosophizing from me for one day, Im off for a long soak in a hot bath! Night night.

Wearing my heart on my...wrist??

Monday 28th March

Ive been off work today as its Easter Monday so after doing a few chores and putting a lamb shoulder into cook I nipped out for a run. Ive started a new training plan using heart rate zones (explained below). I got home, showered and finished dinner off. Oliver wanted chicken wraps as he said he didn't like eating sheep! But shortly after putting the lamb out he appeared and wanted to try it ( I never force him to try stuff, his natural curiosity and keen sense of smell always gets him interested!). He nibbled a piece of lamb and told me "it was nice but would be better in a bowl with some of that sauce on it" pointing at the gravy! He demolished a bowl of it! My plan works every time :)

After dinner, that was lovingly washed down with a glass of Merlot, I tidied up and caught up with my blog before bedtime.

The Plan of Attack:

Since I returned to running after breaking my toe, I was just running as I thought and not following a set plan. I wanted to get something together to get me ready for the Lakeland 100 so Ive spent the last few months formulating this:

Ive got three races in the three months prior to the the Lakeland 100 in July:
Hawkshead 17k trail Race in April, Stavely 17k Trail Race in May, Coniston Trail Marathon in June then the Lakeland 100 at the end of July.

Im going to follow an advanced marathon training plan up to the Marathon in June using a heart rate monitor and training in heart rate zones and adding some longer ultra training runs in along the way. The races in-between will be almost like time trials for the marathon. I did the same marathon last year and finished 10th in 3:36 hrs. It was a great time but my run had been all over the place and I hit the wall massively about 18 miles in. It was an extremely tough race and I hadnt quite recovered after the 40 mile Keswick to Barrow a month earlier. the K2B is all on roads and it hurt my legs, especially my ITB, a lot for a few weeks afterwards and I was really sore. This year I'm not chancing the K2B with the 100 coming up.

My  overall theory is, if I train myself to run at a fast pace with a controlled heart rate, then when it comes to the ultra, my heart wont be working hard at slower paces, hopefully making me more efficient and not use as much energy. Well that's my theory!

My new watch has a training calendar with the capability of programming in specific workouts on it. Ive got a really good plan from Garmin and its now in my watch (after 2 hours of trying!!!) .Its an advanced plan for a sub 3 hr marathon pace. I wont be expecting that time on the race because of the terrain and ascent but it should get me fit enough to get a PB, - fingers crossed.

My new training partner - Garmin 620 + HRM

Running 

60 min/ 7.20 miles / 8.12 min mile avg.
This was the training: Lactate Threshold Run
(My heart rate is Minimum Resting 43 bpm and Maximum 187 bpm. The program works out each zone on a percentage - Zone 4 = 60% to 80%)

10 minutes in Zone 2 warm up: I set off and straight away went over my heart rate zone. Come on Lee, slow down, warm up properly I chastised myself. So after a brief walk to get my heart rate down I slowly plodded down to the prom. For the time being my zone 2 equates to under 120 bpm and about 10 min mile pace. This felt like a snails pace but Im going to go with it as the science behind the plan is solid. After a very long ten minutes I started the next section

30 minutes in Zone 4 at Lactate threshold pace. this was more like it. I picked up the pace and balanced the heart rate zone in the high part of zone 4. The pace (depending on the terrain and wind) was about 6:50 min mile pace - exactly a 3 hr marathon pace! and my HR for Zone 4 is up to 161 bpm. This is what the program has "designed" for me, working out the correct levels to work at as to improve my times without me pushing and training too hard. The pace was comfortably hard and I felt good after a couple of rest days. The 30 minutes flew by and I slowed for the last section.

10 minutes in Zone 2. This was really tough to get my heart rate down without walking. Every time i started running I was running too fast and in the wrong zone. It will take me a while to get to grips with the feel of the pace in each zone. I finally managed to slow down and dropped into the correct zone. After another long 10 mins it was time for a cool down.

10 mins cool down. I slowed to a crawl and then walked the last half a mile home, really concentrating on getting my heart rate back to normal. I breathed in the sea air and calmed my body down. It felt great after a pacy run, rather than my usual tactic of sprinting all the way round the loop and nearly dying at my front door, totally out of breath. There will still be those runs but for now I'm going to follow the plan and see what happens. I'm hoping the better use of my training will help me to improve over the next few months and train smarter, only time will tell!.

Garden Version 2.0

Oliver had outgrown his slide (and the wood had split!)  

Ive had an extremely busy week and haven't stopped. Its been hectic at work and at home Ive been sorting the garden out for Oliver. About 3 years ago we transformed the garden into a safe place for Oliver to play all year round, with artificial grass and his own play area. I've not really done much to it, especially last year with all the weather and it had become a bit of a mess. Oliver had outgrown his playground and the weather had hammered the paving and paintwork

Oliver and I clearing the garden

Cleared out and ready for a paint job.

Oliver came out to help me make the swing.

So I set about it this week, hoping to get Oliver something to play on for his break at Easter. Weve also decided to convert the summer house into a den for Oliver so he can invite his friends round when the weather gets better. Im hoping to put an old TV and retro games console in there for him (and me ha ha). Oliver helped me for a while, putting all of his old garden toys in a pile for the skip, they were so bad we couldn't even give them away.


Oliver is really into Minecraft and made me laugh. He said that the garden was having an "Update" from version 1.0 to 2.0. I love the way he described this and that's what I'm going to call it from now on. He came to help me set the swing up and we had bought a frammock for him (its a hammock in a frame and will be good for him to chill out in. We just managed to get it up before dark and Oliver had a quick test swing. Im going to put some lighting up this week and get the rest of the garden sorted between storms!!

Garden V2.0 : A lick of paint, some artificial grass and a swing set. Looks cool!

 So that's been it all week and I've only managed a few runs after a racing hard at the weekend.

Running:

Tuesday 22nd March 

6.83 miles / 52.18 min / 7.39 min mile avg

A tempo pace run around my usual loop.

Wednesday 23rd March

7.11 miles / 49.04 min / 6.54 min mile avg

Another fast pace run around Walney

Friday 25th March

16.01 miles / 2:07:36 hrs / 7.58 min miles

My mate Paul is doing the Manchester Marathon in a couple of weeks time. He asked me if I would pace him today at 8 min mile pace in preparation for his race. We set out early and picked the flattest run we could come up with to simulate the race. It was a really enjoyable run on a beautiful morning and Paul hit the pace really well and maintained it throughout, even though we had been racing the past weekend and had tired legs. Hes going to smash his goals in the marathon, I'm sure of it.

Saturday and Sunday
I was working Saturday night until late and decided to have a couple of rest days after a hard week of running. I wanted to concentrate on a new training plan for the coming months. All will be explained in my next blog.....

Lakeland Trails Cartmel 18k Race

Saturday 19th March

Race day had come along rather quickly, but I was finally there, a few months of good training after breaking my toe in January. The race was going to be a benchmark for me, testing my limits early in the year and hopefully giving me some impetus for the rest of the spring / summer season.

My overall plan for the year was fairly simple: Prepare for the Lakeland 100 mile race by building a good base, extending my distances every week and to test myself with shorter races leading up to July. The Lakeland trails spring / summer series gave me the ideal opportunity to race and fulfill my plans. I opted to do (as well as my training runs) Cartmel 18k in March, Hawkshead 17k in April, Stavely 17k in May and Coniston Marathon in  June. All are off road through very similar trails and terrain that the Lakeland 100 will be in July. They offer me the perfect testing ground and a good opportunity to hone my race technique.

Today was the Lakeland Trails Cartmel 18k Race (about 11 miles) and was part of a day of racing. The day started with a 10k, then an 18k Challenge and finishing with the event I was in, the 18k race. The challenge had a longer time limit of 3:30hrs and didn't offer any prizes. This inherently makes it less competitive and is aimed at the more recreational runners. The race however, was a race. A fast and furious affair that attract some top club runners from all over the country. I love to compete and push myself against people better than me, so this was my only choice today. I was nervous about it for a few reasons; I hadn't had the best month (read my previous blogs!) and hadn't managed any strength work for three weeks. My diet was also all over the place and I had been drinking heavily last weekend because of the Love Barrow Awards, so I wasn't particularly hopeful of a good performance.

Joanne was still ill after Thursday, but Oliver had been staying at my Mums on the Friday so I managed to get a very rare, good nights sleep (in Olivers bed). He was out until late afternoon so I didn't have to worry about home. I grabbed my favourite pre-race breakfast; Porridge with Chia seeds and nuts and headed out to Cartmel racecourse with my good mate and running buddy Paul. We were meeting our other good running mate Alastair there. Both Alastair and Paul were running in the Trail Challenge at 1pm (I think given their training levels and finishing times they should have both been in the race - next time fellas!), where as I had to wait until 2pm for my race to start.

Alastair, me and Paul ready to race!

They both got changed when the time had come, and after a long queue for the portaloos, made their way to the start line. I took a picture, then headed down to the end of the Racecourse and waited to take an action shot as they ran past.

Good luck fellas!

The gun went and the runners set off, jostling for position and pushing the pace - I thought this wasnt supposed to be competitive!! Paul and Alastair made a good start and pushed into about 8th and 9th place. About 1/4 mile in there is a small gate off the racecourse that is a natural bottleneck. They flew past me straight through the gate and off into the distance, both looking very strong. I hoped they both had a good race and went to get changed myself.

Paul and Alastair off to a great start

With about 30 minutes to go I had a quick toilet stop and went for a warm up. It is such an important part of my pre race ritual, helping me to focus and open up all my joints ready to hit it hard from the off. Todays race was going to be hard so I concentrated on getting the warm up bang on. My heart rate steadily rose and I stopped to do the lunge matrix my good mate/ coach / mentor Gareth Brownson taught me seemingly so long ago. Its such a good warm up routine to do before a quick pace race. I straightened up and jogged back to the start line, doing some butt kicks and high knees on the way. I lifted my right knee and a pain shot up my right hamstring. Shit! I stopped and flexed the muscle - OW!  What the hell had I done, Id warmed up really well, I was up to temperature, had taken my time and raised my HR. My hamstring was really tight, I tried a run on it and couldnt feel anything, but when I lifted a high knee there it was. Dilemma time, retire or gamble?

Fuck it, Ive come this far so (probably the wrong thing to do) I shoved it far down into my mind and lined up at the front of the pack! I was suddenly surrounded by very fit looking athletes, lithe, lean and mean looking, covered head to toe in club kit. I shouldnt be here with these guys I thought, feeling very small, insignificant and old. I pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind, "I know what time Im capable of doing, I know Im strong, lets run MY race, no one elses" I though to myself as I waited for the start. I steadied myself took a deep breath and the gun went off.

There I am tucked away on the right behind 133!

The lead pack sprinted away from the line, like the prize thoroughbreds they were, putting down a crazy pace along the racecourse. A buzzing shape from overhead caught my eye- a drone camera hovered in the sky and recorded the action of the start from high above. I pushed hard and knew I had to get to the gate before it bottle necked. I didn't have a clue what my position was but that wasn't what today was all about. I wanted to push myself and give 110% effort, then I would have a level to work off for the future. After the gate we left the racecourse behind and headed out towards Holker.

I checked in with myself as I always do after a quick start - calm down Lee, relax those shoulders, keep your head high, cadence high and breathing deep, I told myself as I ran down the hard, gravelly trail. Mile 1 beeped on my Garmin watch, 6.02 min mile. Holy crap that was fast, but it felt manageable and I knew the pace would drop in the hills. After the first mile of running the track started to lift into the distance. From the ascent chart provided by the race route I knew pretty much the first half of the race was up! We ascended an old rocky road up into the hills and some wooded areas. I was keeping pace with a club runner just in front of me and matched his pace and foot strikes. It was still a fast pace but I sucked it up and pressed on.

At the top of the first hilly section the trail led out into a field and I spotted the lead pack of runners already half a mile into the distance! Wow those guys are quick, I thought to myself. The track turned left and headed up again. The track had turned into a farm track, rocky, muddy in parts and very uneven. I backed off the runner in front of me so I could get a good view of the terrain. Before I knew it we were free of the farm track and out into meadowland. Id ran some of this in previous races so I knew the terrain and hilliness of the area. The sun had managed to break through the gloom and the afternoon sky cleared, warming us as we ran up the hillside. I started to sweat and was glad I hadnt put on a base layer or my cap. My Garmin beeped - 3miles in 20 min, oh well its gonna be a fast one!

We started another steep climb and I focused on keeping upright and my foot strikes short and light. It was tough but I pushed to the top of the hill.  The runner in front of me stopped to power walk so I passed him about half way up. At the top we rounded a crag and the view exploded in front of me. We were on top of the fell about 6k in and looking straight at the Western Lake district. The ground dropped away quickly and the surface was quite technical but I still managed a glance at the magnificent vista. The mountains and hills were really clear in the afternoon spring air. I filled my lungs with the sea air and my soul with the amazing sight letting it lift me, then pressed forward, zoning in on the speedy descent. A marshal directed us through a gate and I thanked him before another ascent greeted me to the highest point of the race. From there it was a fast descent down to Roudsea Cottage. Half way down another marshal pointed me through a gate and said "well done your in 11th place". WHAT! I thought I was way back from that! My mind cleared and thought top ten - lets do this!

 Once past the cottage the single track trail nipped up again into the forest. Another runner was suddenly in front of me, Tenth place and I was catching him. Just ahead was the first of many Challenge runners we were to meet on the run. She was Nordic walking and I cheekily asked if I could borrow her poles as I passed. At the top of the forest was a gate and it clanged a few seconds ahead. 10th place had just gone through and I was right behind him. Come on Lee, dig in, hold on, keep pushing, I repeated in my mind, willing myself forward. I came out on the trail right behind him and something strange happened, he veered left off the course into the bushes. Loo stop I thought - unlucky! I was now in tenth place, somewhere I never expected to be in such a good field of runners. I crested the next hill, past some more challenge runners and dropped towards Bigland Tarn, This was right before the half way mark of the course and I was getting tired. My body was gasping for breath and my legs were going.

Right Lee, heres the situation, my ever resolute mind said. You know this is gonna hurt, its gonna be tough at this pace but you must relax, settle into the pace, ignore the pain and push on. You know you can do it, dig deep and you can get a good finish. I took my own advice and relaxed, I calmly and deliberately slowed my breathing from a dogged pant to a long, deep belly breath, filling my lungs, taking in the oxygen and exhaling in a controlled manner, I felt my heart rate slow down and I started to flow. My body relaxed again as I pushed on along the tarn and came within sight of 9th place. After a right hand turn it was a steady climb on a tarmac path. My pace picked up and I was soon on the shoulder of 9th place. I was about to overtake when a voice said - too early Lee its too fast - you wont last. My mind was warning me and after a look at my watch it was correct, I was running much too fast, the Adrenalin had pushed me over my pace. I gathered myself and dropped behind him. I used him as a pacer for the rest of the race. We made our way onto a hillside covered with thick, sharp heather and descended very quickly through the twisty, turny pathways. A sign in the middle of nowhere said "Smile, photographer ahead" and James Kirby soon appeared snapping away.

I kept pace with the guy infront of me and it was a quick pace. He was a good club runner and was pacing the route beautifully, taking the hills steady and the descents and flats quickly. It was just on the boundary of my limit so I stuck with him. I hope I didn't piss him off too much but my inexperience of the course and this type of race made him the perfect pacer. We were running on roads for a couple of miles then at about the 13k mark we returned back onto the trails. It suddenly became very muddy and a lot of the challenge runners were making their way through it. I tried to take the most direct route through the mud and I clipped a tree in front of me with my arm. It was hanging low and I went to brush the branch away but got caught by the sharp, dry twigs and cut my right wrist. The thick branch snapped back and clubbed me on the forehead. I staggered for a second and carried on with the run. Ninth place had pulled ahead and was now a good 20m in front.

I managed to keep that distance but found it impossible to claw back any distance. I didn't have a clue where the runner behind me was so I dug deep and plowed on. Another road section was upon us and it dropped steeply round a corner down to the final section and10 miles beeped on my Garmin (about 16k). The road wound its way to a ford then a marshal directed us up to the last climb of the day. I was spent, my legs wouldnt go any faster as I plodded up the last hill, passing more Challenge runners. but losing more ground on ninth place. Any hope of a sprint finish with him vanished there and then. I dug deep into my reserves, searching for any more energy, any more strength. With the last ounce of breath I reached the top of the climb and let gravity pull me for a while down the other side as I composed myself. I could hear the commentator announcing runners coming in and my pace quickened again as I shot through the wooded section to the lush green racecourse below. I bolted onto the grass with the finish well in sight for the final furlong (well it was a racecourse!). I gave it all I had and crossed the finish line in 1:18 and in 10th place. What a result!

Strong finish for 10th place.

Alastair and Paul were both there taking pictures as I finished. I was utterly knackered, I had given it everything and collapsed at their feet! We made our way off the course and waited for the results. they had both done really well in their challenge race and both exceeded their goals. We had all had a good day. A big shout out to goes to Alastair's family who were there all day supporting us!

And stretch.

The race was an excellent one and I really enjoyed the challenge. At times I felt like I was overreaching but soon settled into the fast pace. The course was tough enough to be challenging yet still offering a quick pace and had plenty of tricky ascents and technical descents. The marshals were extremely polite, attentive and gave clear instructions to the competitors. Overall the event was excellently organised and felt professional and well thought out throughout the experience. I'm glad I've found these races to compete in and I cant wait for the next one.

As for me my hamstring held up but was a bit stiff after the race. My preparation wasn't the best and I can definitely improve that side of things in the 4 weeks before the next race. The average pace of the my run was 7 min miles so I'm going to see if I can get that a bit quicker next time out. I need to add in my strength work and plan a proper running / training schedule with speed work and hills in it. I also need to drop a few pounds as Im still carrying a few bits of blubber around my midriff. The final placing has lifted my confidence and I hope to be able to better my placing next time around. Ive proved to myself that I can compete at a decent level now so I can take that into training with me. 4 weeks to go and I'm focused ready to start my next cycle. I need to believe in myself. Bring it on!

My life as a carer doesn't go away just because I have had a race and I returned home to normality.  Joanne returned to bed the minute I got in as she was really struggling and Oliver was all over me. The house was a mess and it was tea time so I made Oliver a pizza and Joanne and I steak with sweet potato wedges. It was so difficult to  keep going but I knew as soon as I stopped I wouldn't get back up again. I pushed on past the pain and stiffness and managed to tidy up after dinner. Then I poured myself a glass of brandy while I ran a bath. The brandy didn't touch the sides so I poured a large glass of red wine for the bath, settled Oliver in his room and sank into a hot bath. My body screamed out as the scratches and bruises discovered the warm water and I discovered some cuts I didn't even know I had. I sank below the bubbles and drifted away, thinking about the race and how well I had done. I was quite chuffed with myself! After turning myself into a shriveled up prune I got out of the bath and into bed after a great day at the races!

Wednesday to Friday

Wednesday 16th March

I was at work and after a busy day I walked home in the Sunshine. Joanne was still struggling after the weekend so I let her rest all day. I popped out for a run while Oliver was out with his carer then sorted out my jobs for the rest of the evening before putting Oliver to bed.

Running: 7.12 miles / 8.26 min/ mile pace / Cadence 177 / 1.00hr

I set off for a steady run with my new watch on. I was looking forward to training with it, using the heart rate monitor to add another layer of data to my analysis. If I can interpret the data correctly I know I can improve parts of my running and hopefully make myself more efficient.
Im racing at the weekend so this run was all about keeping the pace down but concentrating on keeping my cadence up.

It was really tricky to keep myself from shooting off at a fast pace and I had to really concentrate, the cadence was equally as tricky to control. After a couple of miles I slipped into the zone, slowed down and my cadence rose to nearly 180 which has been proved as the most efficient. Cadence is how many steps you take in a minute and the more you take the less impact there is on your joints making it a safer way to run too.  I finished the tricky run in the sunshine and had really enjoyed it.

Thursday 17th March

I had a busy day ahead. Joanne and I had been invited to a premier of a BBC Drama about a family  dealing with Autism. The premier was in Ambleside which is about 25 miles away. It doesn't sound far but its in the lake district and the roads aren't the best. Joanne was still recovering from the LB Awards (yes its been 5 days and shes still in pain) so we both knew the journey would hurt her again. However opportunities like this don't come around very often so we would still go and I had planned the rest of the weekend so Joanne could rest.

After finishing work early we got ready and drove to Ambleside. Joanne's Mum was picking Oliver up from school ad was looking after him for the evening. We arrived at the cinema where the premier was and I could tell Joanne was struggling. She had some morphine and after a sit down and a pizza her pain had settled. We made our way to the cinema and met the other guests at the pre show reception. It was a very nice reception with free wine and nibbles. It was orange juice for us though as Joanne was poorly and I was driving. The audience were called into the cinema and we found our seats before the screening.
The "A Word" is a new 6 part drama on BBC1 on Tuesday evenings starting this week (the 22nd at 9pm). It been written by Peter who has written other big TV dramas. It follows a family in Cumbria who find out their 6 year old has Autism and how the whole family deal with it. (Sounds familiar!!) We watched the first episode and it was superb. The writing was funny yet heart felt and dealt with the feelings of the family excellently. Set in the middle of the most imposing of backdrops, the scenery almost became a character in the play itself with its beautiful hills and fells, stunning but imposing and dark at the same time. It was shot totally in Cumbria and has a very Northern feel to it.

Christopher Eccleston plays the Grandfather in it and was very, very good. He portrays a very Northern straight talking character full of witty one liners and kept the plot going well. The best bit was seeing him fell running up in the hills, awesome!! For me, its going to be a must watch programme for the next few weeks. I don't really watch TV since I've been running but there are exceptions -Game of thrones, anything with "Star Wars" in the title and this.

After the screening there was a Q&A with the lead actor, the producer and the writer. It was a very good session and we found out the writer used to be a special needs teacher and had dealt with both teachers and parents, so he had a really good understanding of the situation and the emotions involved. It was excellent.

I drove home and Joanne was really bad, every bump in the road, every sharp turn caused her pain and she felt sick all the way home. It was just a matter of getting her home. I put her to bed and Oliver was still awake so I sorted him out too and managed to get my head down after a long day.
The A Word looks to be a very good representation of an autism family and I think its a must watch!

Friday 18th March

With only a day to go until my race I wanted an easy day. I was at work in the evening so I went for an extremely gentle 5k jog / walk, just to loosen up and get out in the glorious weather. After a lovely run I sorted out my jobs and had a soak in the bath before work in the evening. Joanne was still really poorly from the previous night so we arranged for Oliver to sleep at my mums so she could have a rest. I felt really good and very relaxed ready for the trail race on Saturday.

Running 3.25 miles / 34 minutes / 10.41 min miles.

Today was all about loosening up and relaxing. It was a glorious day for a run and part of me wished I was up in the fells, but with a race the day after a taper session was in order. I slowed right down and relaxed my body, breathing deeply, filling my lungs with the wonderful fresh sea air.

I made myself walk for a while and slow everything down. I actually enjoyed taking it easy and meandered down onto the beach for a jog along the pebbles, shale and shingle. The surface worked my ankles, twisting and turning them, mobilizing the joints. The race is going to be a big test tomorrow and I'm relishing the challenge. Bring it on!

A quick catch up after a busy weekend

Saturday 12th March

After an amazing night at the Love Barrow Awards I was back in work at 11am. There was a drinks festival on at work so it was a busy day. It helped to keep my mind off the hangover that was brewing nicely in my skull (the massive sausage and bacon bun I had helped too!). After a long day I walked home and collapsed totally knackered. Joanne was totally exhausted after the night and spent most of the day in bed recovering. Oliver was at my mums so it gave her a chance to rest.
I was still buzzing from the awards night and I totally enjoyed the night. I went to bed a bit earlier as I was meeting my friend Paul at 5:30am the next morning for a 20 mile run (as you do!).

Sunday 13th March

I woke at 5am and got dressed in a zombie like state. If you ever want to go out early, arrange to meet a friend and you cant let them down, so no excuses. I met Paul at Walney Bridge and we went for a great run. He is training for the Manchester Marathon and Im starting to increase my distance so it was a good run for both of us. I made my way home and spent the rest of the day catching up with my chores from the last few days.

We had a very relaxed day, Joanne was still in pain (we knew the LB awards would take it out of her) and Oliver wanted to chill so we had a pyjama day (well they did!). I went to bed ready for work and school on Monday morning. About 3am Oliver came downstairs (Im still sleeping on a Zbed!) and woke me up. Hed been sick, but not a little bit, it was everywhere in his room and on the stairs. I instantly woke up, got him cleaned up and changed then put him in with Joanne while I attacked (in a deep echoing voice) "THE ROOM OF SICK".

Poor little lad, it had gone everywhere, all over his duvet, his sheets, his pillows, the headboard, down the side of the bed, on his cuddly toy, all over the floor and out onto the stair carpet. Em....I thought, where the hell do you start with this? I got a bin bag and after a minute decided the best course of action was to bin his pillows and duvet as the sick had soaked right into them. I ran a hot bath and put some washing powder in it before soaking the sheets, pillow cases and duvet cover in it. It was then a matter of cleaning the floor, headboard and mattress. It really was everywhere and its a good job I have a strong constitution! About 30 mins later I had finished and with the help of half a bottle of Zoflora managed to get rid of the smell. I was knackered and after checking up on Oliver I crawled back to my bed for a couple of hours kip before my alarm went off!

Running: 21.35 miles / 3hrs 24 min / 9.34 min miles

Paul and I were both tired when we set off but after 6 miles and plenty of banter we had both warmed up. We chatted about our forthcoming races and about training plans we were doing. The time seemed to go really quickly and we both enjoyed the run.

Always time for a selfie...ooooh

Monday 14th March

I woke and sorted the washing out before work. I was determined to get back to some healthy eating after the weekends food and drink debauchery. I made myself a smoothie for breakfast and managed to rustle up enough stuff for a salad. Work seemed to go really quickly and I was soon driving to Argos to buy some new pillows and a duvet for Olivers room. (it was cheaper to buy them than get them cleaned). I sorted out the bedding and tidied up a bit when I got home then made some dinner. After dinner, everyone was settled so I nipped out for a run. Its my first race of the season on Saturday so I have to keep going this week. I completed my run and after a quick shower, put Oliver to bed then wrote up my blog about the LB awards before bed. Oliver was still off school and Joanne was still bad after the weekend. It was a good job her mum was on hand to help out.

Running: 8.59 miles / 1hr + 48sec / 7.05 min miles

Im tapering after this run - reducing my mileage, intensity and duration so Im running on fresh legs come Saturday. But today was a tempo session and I fired out of the door. I felt like crap all the way round and needed one too. I hadn't left enough time after my dinner before I went out and it bounced around in my stomach as I kept up a fast pace. I ran a night loop that is well lit so I didn't need a head torch on. My new GPS watch had arrived and I gave it a good run out to test its functions. It was so much better than my old one and it gave me lots of feedback on my run (cadence, vertical oscillation , heartrate and much more. Im going to use this data over the next few months to train a bit smarter and get me ready for the 100 miler.

I managed to keep my food down (or up!) and got home completing my night loop of 8.59 miles - the second fastest time Id ever ran it. This was great news , If I could run this strong after a busy weekend, knackered and with stomach ache, my race should be ok. I got home and had to run to the loo. If its one good thing about running is it certainly makes you regular! All the jiggling about and flexing of my stomach muscles makes me go nearly every time. However it does flush EVERYTHING out and the bathroom soon became a toxic gas hazard!:) I showered (once the smell had dissipated )before pouring over the mind boggling amount of data provided by my watch.

Tuesday 15th March

I had a lovely walk to work today in the sunshine and even had to take my jacket off. Work went quickly again today and I was soon walking home again. I made tea and tidied up before getting my foam roller out and do some maintenance on my legs after 2 days of heavy running. Im going to taper ready for the race on Saturday so Im taking it easy this week with plenty of walking, eating healthy foods and keeping myself well hydrated. Joanne went to bed as soon as I got in from work - the weekend has caused her a lot of pain. Oliver was feeling much better and we played for a bit before his bedtime.

Food Diary

Breakfast: 
Nutribullet Smoothie
Avaocado, spinach, mango, walnuts, sugar snap peas, Kiwi, Coconut water

Lunch
Smoked mackerel, Avocado and Mango salad with brown rice

Dinner
Salmon fillet with Vegetables and rice

Snacks
Banana, Greek yoghurt with berries, nuts and seeds

The Love Barrow Awards - from a very unique perspective

Friday 11th March

I was extremely honored and proud to have been nominated for an award at this years Love Barrow Awards. The Awards are a community project, rewarding anyone who has made a contribution to the town or an extraordinary achievement. There were lots of categories such as Group Project of the Year, Citizen of the Year and the one I was nominated for was Carer of the Year. The awards ceremony and dinner started at 5:45pm but I had a busy day at work first - setting up for the Love Barrow Awards.

Getting the tables into position

As Ive mentioned in previous blogs, I work at the Forum Theatre where the awards evening was to be held. I was still feeling a little uneasy about coming to my place of work that evening and I was unusually nervous. Thursday night we had the energetic and youthful Lulu on stage (she was amazing!) so we had a lot of work to do, to get everything ready for the night. The forum is council run and has a relatively small, but highly motivated and dedicated team of staff. We all started on the main theatre, folding the main bank of 500 seats down and driving them back to create a large floor space.

Ready for some chairs

From there we rolled out some round tables and set them out as per the table plan. Once they were "chaired up" we moved out of the way to let the caterers in to lay the tables. At the same time our very professional technical team were setting up the stage side of things, sound checking, plotting lights and generally transforming the stage and room into a professional looking event. It is a big job to set up for an event such as this and it takes a lot of planning and a lot of hard work.

The transformation is complete

The Love Barrow Committee work extremely hard throughout the year, planning every thing down to the last detail and they are some of the most dedicated and friendly people you will ever have the pleasure of meeting. Its always great to work with them and we always have a laugh throughout the day. After the room was set up we concentrated on the rest of the venue, getting the front of house foyer ready for a red carpet drinks reception. I was sent packing before this to go home and get ready for the evening.

Roll it out!

I got home and Joanne was already getting ready. She has to take her time and get dressed in stages. Oliver was staying at my sisters so I jumped in the bath before getting dressed myself. After Id helped Joanne finish up we got a lift to the forum. I was still really nervous going back to my place of work, but I had told myself to relax and enjoy the night. The evening staff had put the red carpet out and we were greeted on it by a salute from the local Sea Cadets. I walked into the venue and was immediately grabbed by the evenings photographer Nick, whom I know very well,  for a shoot of Joanne and I.

We made our way through the crowd to get a drink and I felt really out of place. I felt like I should be overseeing the night, not attending it, but my mate John was in charge tonight and doing a sterling job. I necked a bucks fizz and went to get a pint from the bar. Joanne was talking to some people she knew and I was tapped on the shoulder by John. "There's a phone call at the desk for you mate" he said. I thought it was my sister, phoning about Oliver so I made my way over to the phone. John grabbed my arm and dragged my to a room off reception. What the hell was going on!

Surprise guests, my amazing work friends with Joanne.

I opened the door and my amazing boss and work colleagues jumped out on me. They had told me they couldn't come but had secretly gotten tickets to come and support me. I was so made up and I felt really special that they had done this for me. They then presented me with a card and hamper with a bottle of Brandy in it and I welled up. I was so emotional and grateful for the gift. I then found out that everyone at work had been in on the surprise including the Love Barrow team!!  We all had our picture taken and went to our tables for the start of the evening.

Team Forum

The theatre looked extremely impressive in the gentle shades of blue and lilac the crew had lit it in. I sat and enjoyed a beautifully cooked meal and dessert before the awards started. The local and very popular Radio DJ, Danny, was the compere and presented the evening extremely well, adding a slick energy to the proceedings. I was getting quite drunk by this point and had to stop myself before I became totally slaughtered! After watching 3 sets of inspiring awards it came to my category, Carer of the Year. I got quite emotional watching my video and fought back tears.

The lady sat next to me was named the winner and I congratulated her before she went up for her award, I know Janet and she thoroughly deserved to win. I soon followed her to receive my runners up award together with the other nominee. We were whisked away for a photo as the next award category started then went back to our table.

Carer of the Year Janet (middle) with runner up Bev

 I was buzzing by this point and totally relaxed, so much that I really enjoyed the rest of the night and forgot I was at my work place. After a few more awards and drinks the function finished and we made our way to the after show party to dance the night away. Joanne was with me the whole night (she normally has to go home early because of the pain) and she really enjoyed herself. She had been in a lot of pain throughout the night but stayed to support me. I was so glad she stayed out and we had a really nice evening together. I hope it gives her a bit more confidence so we can start to go out again (even if its for a short time).

My beautiful wife and I.

The Love Barrow awards are a lovely snapshot of the people of barrow, of the good in the town and the amazing selflessness that exists within us. I felt immensely proud to have been nominated and came runner up to an extremely worthy winner. It did feel that there were no losers on the night and it was a mass celebration of our town. All of the nominees were worthy of the title and totally inspirational. It was an incredibly humbling experience to hear of these wonderful groups and individuals and to see what they achieve first hand. It was also great to see one of the organizers, John Irving, given an award for his outstanding achievement over the 11 years of awards. An award that was so well deserved and received a standing ovation from the audience.

My work colleagues had made the night for me with their surprise and we had a lot of laughs (and drinks) at the after show party. Joanne enjoyed herself and we both felt it had brought us closer together again after the last few weeks of hell we'd been through!

I loved the experience and cant wait for the next one - although I will be only working it!

Thanks to the Love Barrow Team, my friends at Workshop Media for making the video, Nick from Loveit Studios for the great pictures and to everyone who works at the forum. You all made it such a special evening. :)

Just get out there!

Wednesday 9th March

I was off work today and Id found out last night, Joanne was going for lunch for her mums birthday. I had only one thing in mind. Not housework, not DIY, just running (weve just got a small carers allowance so weve got a lady in a couple of hours a week to clean to help me, I still have to tidy and other stuff, but she will dust and hoover etc. Shes lovely and Im starting to get the benefit from it - by getting out for a run!!). My head was still all over the place from the last week so a few hours running by myself would do me the world of good.

 I used to feel really guilty when I went out for a few hours, worrying about home, but Ive realized just how important it is for my mental and physical health to get out and away. I can care for my family much better when my mind is clear.

I dropped a very reluctant Oliver off at school, I even had to take him into school this morning, he was so anxious! Poor kid, I hope we can get to the bottom of his worries. I nipped back home and grabbed my stuff, checked on Joanne and headed out. I returned late afternoon and Oliver was out with his carer so I grabbed a quick hot bath and made dinner. I played with Oliver for a while before his bed time and then sat down to write this.

Running: 17.72 miles / 4hrs 19 min / 14.39 min mile avg / 3,106 ft ascent

My plan was to run a loop from Rydal, through Gramere, over to Dungeon Ghyll and the Langdales then back over Loughrigg Fell to Rydal. I knew most of the route but still took my map and compass.

The journey up was full of road works and tail backs. It took me 1hr 10 min to get the 30 miles to Rydal! I wanted to run for about 4hrs, which, with a lunch stop, the terrain and hills would be about 16 miles. I eventually parked up and got kitted up ready for my run. A big part of today's run was to try my new Mountain King Trail Blaze Trekking Poles. I had just got them and was dying to use them. I set off towards Rydal Hall at a steady pace. I knew most of the run would be slow or even hiking pace once I got off the beaten track so I picked the pace up on the flat sections.

I climbed up from Rydal to the Coffin trail which runs along the hillside to Grasmere. Its a really nice trail with great views of Rydal and Grasmere waters, far below. It felt so good to get out, away form my life and problems at home and just be a runner, to just be me ( I don't mean that in a nasty way, its just good to occasionally separate myself for a few hours).  The trail wound its way along the fell side, undulating gently and offering my a really good warm up for what was to come. I was soon at Dove Cottage, Wordsworth's humble home and ran past into Grasmere. I was headed straight through the sleepy village and up to Easedale Tarn.

At the end of a small road section the valley opened up in front of me, offering me a wonderful view of my running route. The usually tiny Easedale beck was roaring down the hillside, looking from a distance like a whitewater rapid.

Easedale Back, you can see the trail snaking its way up in the left of the picture

The trail up to the tarn was a rocky staircase all the way to the top. I got my trekking poles out and started my assault. The poles were a massive help. Utilizing my upper body strength meant my legs werent working as hard and didn't tire at all on the ascent. I strode up the trail and passed lots of walkers who looked at me like I was from another planet. It was quite cold and they were all wearing heavy jackets, woolly hats and gloves. I had a pair of shorts on and my sleeves rolled up! I was really warm and enjoyed the cooling feel of the cold air on my skin.

Gratuitous Selfie as usual!

I soon reached the Tarn, high above Grasmere and pushed on, climbing higher along the trail. I was headed up to Seargent man but half way up the trail the mountain wind picked up and the temperature plummeted. I sheltered for a minute and studied the map. The cold wind was coming from the North so I dropped down a few feet and skirted the south side of the crags instead, sheltered more from the wind and not out on the exposed tops. I had plenty of spare layers with me but I didn't want to chance it.

Looking down at Easedale Tarn

I climbed up under the very rocky Eagle crag and hugged the side of it. Over the ridge I could see Chapel stile behind and below me and knew I was headed in the correct direction. I continued along the fell top and came across some snow.

Snow Joke

The further along I got the more snow there was, it was a wonderful sight. At this point it was lunch time so I found a rocky alcove out of the biting wind and grabbed some lunch.

Lunch Break

I didn't stop for too long and made my way along to Stickle Tarn. There was a decent path down from there to the road, far below in Great Langdale Valley. Because I was holding my trekking poles, my hands weren't moving. They became really cold and I lost feeling in one finger. I wiggled my fingers for a while but they weren't warming up in my gloves. I needed to sort them out and soon. I came to the tarn and dropped down the slick, rocky trail. Once I was out of the wind and snow I stopped for a flapjack and thrust my hands under my top and into my armpits. They soon thawed and I continued down. Once at the bottom I looked back at the path Id just traversed. I was glad I wasn't going up it!

My Sister had made me another batch of flapjack and its incredible. mmmmmm

Looking back at Dungeon Ghyll, Id just come down there!

The Langdales

From the Dungeon Gill it was a relatively flat trail along the Cumbrian Way, through Elterwater and on to Skelwith Bridge. It was great to pick up my feet again and get into a decent rhythm of running. After about 4 miles I turned off and headed up to Loughrigg Fell for my final ascent of the day.
I skirted around Loughrigg Tarn then shot straight up the back of the steep fell. Halfway up I turned around and admired the view.

The  Western Lake Distrinct and Coniston Old Man

What a sight it was , looking into the western lakes at all the snow capped hills, mountains and peaks. I let the view fill me with its energy and strode on up towards the top of the fell. I passed a couple of walkers and one of them congratulated me on making the ascent look easy. I was really pleased with the comment and it just shows what a difference the poles make. I took a quick picture from the top then headed down towards Grasmere Water.

A view of Grasmere Water.

A group of college students were coming up and I shot past them descending at quite a rate, one of the lads offered up a high five and I took it on the way past, smiling to myself as I shot down the fell. I only had a mile to go until I reached the car, so I pushed it a bit harder. It was great to feel strong at the end of a tough run and I made it back to the car out of breath but feeling great. I got changed, had a stretch and drove home.

Me and two tasty poles!

My trekking poles had been the star today, I had dismissed using them before my trail running weekend back in February, but after learning how to use them, they are going to be invaluable in my future ultras. It had been a tough but fabulous day of running!

Starting to feel like the old me!

Tuesday 8th March

Its been a busy day today. I was up and out early to work this morning, we had 3 conferences all starting before 8am. After a packed day at work we had a meeting with Oliver's school to discuss how to help him move forward from his "blip". Oliver is still very stressed and is finding it difficult to settle back into daily school life even though he had a good day yesterday. The meeting went well and its really good that his school is willing to work with us to get to the bottom of Oliver's high anxiety and put strategies in place to cope with it.
We all got home and I sorted dinner out. I didn't have mine, I needed to go for a run so I nipped out while everyone was eating. I managed a pacy 7 miles and returned home, tidied up , did some washing, put the boy to bed and sat down to write this blog.

Running: 7.05miles / 6:54 min/miles / 48.38 mins

I knew I didn't have long tonight so for the third run in a row I decided on a 10k circuit. I warmed up outside the house for a few minutes and set off. My pace was near 7 min miles so after a mile I picked it up a bit and tried to keep under 7 min miles. I pushed around my loop uncomfortably hard but attainable throughout the run. I turned around at 5 miles and pushed back down the beach path the long way home as I felt really good, light and strong. My endurance is starting to come back and I'm managing quicker paced runs for longer distances. Its starting to feel like the old me again. I finished my run, had a shower and a big bowl of homemade chicken curry and rice. I'm off tomorrow and just learned that Joanne is going for lunch for her mums birthday so can you guess what I'm going to do?

Lee is going out for a running adventure :)

Food Diary

Breakfast
Nutribullet Smoothie : Avocado, spinach, pineapple, melon, pumpkin seeds, lime

Lunch
Homemade Chicken sausage casserole with rice (leftover from last nights dinner)

Dinner
Homemade Chicken Curry with brown rice.
Greek yoghurt with Blueberries

Snacks
2x Apples, banana, nuts and seeds, one of my sisters homemade ultra chia flapjacks mmmmm!

A Quiet Weekend

Oliver has been fine all weekend, weve made sure he was settled and has had a relaxed, calm and low key weekend before he returns to school on Monday. Joanne and I are still in bits, but thats what being a parent does to you - Kids - who'd have em!! My diet had gone awry for the weekend, Id missed meals because I felt physically sick, picked at crap and struggled with it all weekend, BUT I never reached for the bottle once, although I really could of done with a glass of red! so no food diary this weekend!

Saturday 5th March

Both myself and Oliver got up and after breakfast I took him to my mums and went for a run. When I got back I managed to get Joanne to come clothes shopping with me for an outfit for the Love Barrow awards next Friday. After a quick nip to Debenhams, which was more than enough for Joanne, we came home and I went to work. We had a cracking show on, a tribute to Whitney Houston and it was excellent. I finished work late due as we had to get a conference ready for Monday morning and made my way home.

Running: 6.11 miles / 41 min / 6:43 min  / mile

I was still really down about what had happened with Oliver and was extremely worried about him and the effect it would have on us. He had calmed down and settled at my mums so I went for a run. Id had a good heart to heart chat with my Mum about it on Friday so she was aware of what had gone on and made Oliver as relaxed as he always is when hes there. After a big hug from my mum (42 years old and its still a cure all!!) I got home and sped out of the door.

I didn't have a plan, an idea of pace or distance, I just had to run. I didn't have time to get on the trails today so I ran along my old 10k loop of Walney, the route I had started running on 3 years ago. I had my Ipod on nice and loud and strode out to the music. I didn't think about anything, I just listened to my music. My watch beeped at a mile and I looked at the pace. It was about a 40 min 10k pace so I pushed the pace along and kept going, letting the faster pace focus me.

The road towards the beach was totally flooded, blocking my way. My mind weighed up the options and thought its just like "going on a bear hunt" I cant go over it, I cant go under it, I'll have to go through it. I laughed and rand through the middle of the freezing cold water. Splish, splosh, splish, splosh! It was about two foot deep in the middle and took me by surprise but I strode on. On the other side my shoes had filled completely full of water and felt like lead weights on my feet. The water had drained out by the end of the road, but the laces had soaked up most of the flood and come undone. I tied them and continued on down the beach path. My pace had dropped after the water hazard so I picked it back up again, breathing heavy but feeling great around the rest of the run

I came to the last mile of my loop and kicked the pace up a gear, feeling light and strong. Just before the 10k mark I bumped into a knackered looking mate, Paul, who had just nailed a Parkrun PB and ran home (nutter - hes as mad as me!). We had a brief breathless chat and we parted company, not before Id congratulated him on a great PB. I slowed for the last mile home and cooled down. It had been a good run, flexing my muscles and giving me an unexpected pacy 10k. Not my quickest (by 3 mins) but still fairly a fast pace that I was happy maintaining. I got home and showered then headed out to buy some new clobber!

Sunday 6th March

I was hoping to get out for an LSR with the lads but working late Saturday meant I would have been running on about 4 hrs sleep and after a stressful weekend already I could do with a morning off. It was Mothering Sunday so Oliver and I made some blueberry GF pancakes and took them up to the bedroom for Joanne with some gifts. After lunch, everyone was settled and Id done all my jobs, (I even managed to get the washing hung outside today!) I nipped out for 50mins for a run. I returned and made tea and got everything ready for the Morning - Oliver was back at school and we had a meeting with his head teacher so I wanted to be organised and not rushing around, stressing Oliver out..

Running: 6.54 miles / 7:19 min miles / 47min

It was a glorious winters day, with crystal clear skies and a low hanging, shining sun. I didnt want to leave Joanne and Oliver too long so I headed up to Biggar Bank and ran along the beach path. The views totally blew me away today.  In the east, The Isle of Man hung off the horizon like a cardboard cut out and I could see the outline of the mountains and hills so clearly. To the south,  Blackpool tower stretched high into the sky, its surrounding buildings on the prom, shining bright, reflecting the suns rays. To the North, Black Combe was covered in snow and led my eye west across the fells to the snow covered mountains of the lake district.

It was a glorious sight, filling me with energy and calming my mood. I ran without really registering what I was doing, just taking in the scenery and the beauty of the area. I love running on such a stunning day, the fresh air filling my lungs, clearing my thoughts and helping me to de-stress, its wonderful, uplifting and calming. I finished another pacy 10k and went home.


Monday 7th March

Oliver was a bit anxious on his return to school today but had a really good day and even got 17 out of 17 in his weekly spelling test (100% 6 weeks on the bounce smart arse - I wonder who he gets it from????). I was worried about him all day at work and had to work a bit later for a conference. Joanne had her first appointment with the chiropractor today and was left sore after it, but satisfied that he could help her. I got home and made dinner, sorted out some washing, tidied up and put my amazing boy to bed. Im so glad he was OK today and he seems happy again.

We've got a meeting with the school tomorrow to get him back on track. Its great to see the school trying so hard. Its a rest day for me today, so after writing this Im going to get my foam roller out and inflict my body to some pain while I watch Star Wars Rebels and have a mug of Horlicks before bed. Ive had a couple of decent nights sleep this weekend too! My Z bed arrived and Im temporarily sleeping downstairs until we get Joannes medication sorted out (its making her snore and be very restless in the night).  I starting to slowly feel human again!


Night Night!

Life is like a box of chocolates - no its more like a jigsaw puzzle!

Friday 4th March

After a restless night I woke up and made my way downstairs. I normally grab a coffee and get my breakfast smoothie and lunch ready. This morning I just sat there - devastated after the events of yesterday. I didn't know what to do, how to proceed, how to make this all right again. It felt as if I was walking in a constant shit storm, with crap hitting me from every direction. A relentless barrage of the stuff, covering me, burying me in the sheer volume.

But I had work today, I have to work both for sanity and the money (and I love my job!). Oliver and Joanne were still in bed and as I got ready and they stirred before I left. Oliver had some school work to do at home today and Joanne's mum was on hand to help out.
I managed to get ready and walked to work. I love my walk to and from work. Its the only time I have to myself (besides running) and my thoughts. As I walked over the bridge to Barrow, the lake district open up before me, covered in snow and glistening in the morning light. It was a beautiful and uplifting sight. My mind started to wander and I started to put this mess into perspective. My training can take a back seat for a day or two, I'm going to go for a nice run by myself tomorrow morning and clear away the cobwebs.

 Ive mulled it round all day and this is the best analogy I can come up with....

My life is a 10,000 piece jigsaw! 

The picture on the box is one of happiness. I was partly through the process of making the puzzle and had got as far as building the edges, putting some of the middle together and some basic patterns were starting to come through, maybe even the start of an image.

Yesterday a whirlwind hit me and the table with the Jigsaw on, smashing it and knocking the pieces across the room. There are pieces everywhere, under the table, down the sofa, some are bent and ripped. Its a total mess and most of the pieces have landed upside down, obscuring the image in a brown, cardboard haze.

How can i sort it out?

How can I complete the puzzle?

I can start by picking the pieces up, putting them all in a pile and searching around for the missing bits. Then, once I've plucked all the dust and debris from the pieces can I start to sort the puzzle out.

But where to start?

From the best place...the beginning. I will put the straight pieces together and create a strong frame, protecting the mess inside. Then I will look for the familiar pieces in the mix, putting them back together again, slowly making an image from the jumbled mess. It will take time, there are a lot of pieces. No doubt a few bits will fall off the table and end up in the hoover! but I will find them, bring them back to the table and piece by piece put this puzzle together again. I have patience, Ive caught glimpses of the picture on the box, I can complete it. And I love a challenge!



If you've got this far and understood what Ive tried to convey, then you've done well, I suppose its a glimpse inside my mind, a look at whats going on up there. Yes things are a mess, but things can be fixed, rebuilt, repaired and improved with time, commitment and love. Its gonna be hard and we have a lot of work to do with Oliver and his school but we will prevail! I refuse to give in, I refuse to walk away, I refuse to be beaten!

after all .... Im not Mental - Im an Ultra Runner!!!

Wednesday and Thursday

Wednesday 2nd March

I was off work as I'm working at the weekend. When Oliver and I got up it was snowing some of the biggest chunks of snow Id ever seen. With Walney being on the coast it never settles long and was gone by the time I took Oliver to school. Oliver was still very anxious about school and was very clingy. I managed to get him in and settled before going for an extremely cold run.
I returned home and felt like crap, as if I was coming down with something. I did the bare minimum for the rest of the day and had an early night, I was exhausted.

Running 9 miles

 All throughout my run I just couldn't get warm (temperature) even though I had 3 layers on. The wind chill was very low and I could feel icy raindrops in it. My body just wouldn't loosen up either. Every muscle, tendon and joint felt tight. I slowed and made my way home along the shore. It was very low tide and I ran on the sand for a few miles before returning to the beach path. I was glad to get back, it was an awful run. Id not had one of them for ages (as a runner you do experience these runs every now and then, you just hope they don't happen on a race day!)

Thursday 3rd March

I was up early for a conference and made my way to work in the cold. I was still really, really tired and I hadn't had the best nights sleep. Halfway through a busy day I received a phone call from Joanne and it was urgent. Oliver had hit a teacher at school and they wanted us up there. My world fell apart in that instance. Its the one thing Ive dreaded ever since he started school. We made our way tentatively into his school and met with the head. I sat there devastated as we were told about what had happened and they were expelling Oliver for the rest of the week.

We took him home and tried to get him to explain what had happened but he couldn't express what had transpired. After we had talked to him about it and told him it wasn't acceptable. (The one hard thing about chastising Oliver is keeping calm. If we raise our voices or get too angry we lose him and he locks his mind away blocking all stimulus from himself. Its so difficult). After he settled down and we'd had some dinner, Joanne was in a lot of pain - probably from the stress and had to go to bed. I sat there, alone on the couch, utterly devastated. I blamed myself (as any parent would) and felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. I was in so much pain, so much turmoil, so unhappy and so,so sad. It was possibly the worst moment of my life.