After a restless night I woke up and made my way downstairs. I normally grab a coffee and get my breakfast smoothie and lunch ready. This morning I just sat there - devastated after the events of yesterday. I didn't know what to do, how to proceed, how to make this all right again. It felt as if I was walking in a constant shit storm, with crap hitting me from every direction. A relentless barrage of the stuff, covering me, burying me in the sheer volume.
But I had work today, I have to work both for sanity and the money (and I love my job!). Oliver and Joanne were still in bed and as I got ready and they stirred before I left. Oliver had some school work to do at home today and Joanne's mum was on hand to help out.
I managed to get ready and walked to work. I love my walk to and from work. Its the only time I have to myself (besides running) and my thoughts. As I walked over the bridge to Barrow, the lake district open up before me, covered in snow and glistening in the morning light. It was a beautiful and uplifting sight. My mind started to wander and I started to put this mess into perspective. My training can take a back seat for a day or two, I'm going to go for a nice run by myself tomorrow morning and clear away the cobwebs.
Ive mulled it round all day and this is the best analogy I can come up with....
My life is a 10,000 piece jigsaw!
The picture on the box is one of happiness. I was partly through the process of making the puzzle and had got as far as building the edges, putting some of the middle together and some basic patterns were starting to come through, maybe even the start of an image.
Yesterday a whirlwind hit me and the table with the Jigsaw on, smashing it and knocking the pieces across the room. There are pieces everywhere, under the table, down the sofa, some are bent and ripped. Its a total mess and most of the pieces have landed upside down, obscuring the image in a brown, cardboard haze.
How can i sort it out?
How can I complete the puzzle?
I can start by picking the pieces up, putting them all in a pile and searching around for the missing bits. Then, once I've plucked all the dust and debris from the pieces can I start to sort the puzzle out.
But where to start?
From the best place...the beginning. I will put the straight pieces together and create a strong frame, protecting the mess inside. Then I will look for the familiar pieces in the mix, putting them back together again, slowly making an image from the jumbled mess. It will take time, there are a lot of pieces. No doubt a few bits will fall off the table and end up in the hoover! but I will find them, bring them back to the table and piece by piece put this puzzle together again. I have patience, Ive caught glimpses of the picture on the box, I can complete it. And I love a challenge!
If you've got this far and understood what Ive tried to convey, then you've done well, I suppose its a glimpse inside my mind, a look at whats going on up there. Yes things are a mess, but things can be fixed, rebuilt, repaired and improved with time, commitment and love. Its gonna be hard and we have a lot of work to do with Oliver and his school but we will prevail! I refuse to give in, I refuse to walk away, I refuse to be beaten!
after all .... Im not Mental - Im an Ultra Runner!!!
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